i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
