I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
