OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
