just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
