you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
