If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
