Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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