Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
