Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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