I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
