the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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