ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
