i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
