You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
