Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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