He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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