So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize