I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
