Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
