I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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