No, drunk sperm still make babies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
