Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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