We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
