if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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