im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
