I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
