I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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