i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I party with great urgency now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
