The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
