Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
