I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Randomize
