So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
