I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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