You're so nebulous sometimes
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my shit smells like andre
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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