If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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