is your mom at the bar?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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