It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
