It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
its liver damage thursday
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
