It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
