I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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