Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
