I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
