Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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