i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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