Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.

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(905): View more from Ontario

the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.

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(785): View more from Kansas

i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

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(770): View more from Georgia

All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"

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(235): View more from

I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?

(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer

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