I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My pussy is not your playground.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
