dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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