Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We are two peas in an std pod
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
