Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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