sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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