did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think my nap took me to another dimension
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
