i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
