all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
