I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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