I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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