He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
