so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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