you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
