I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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