he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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