i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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