last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
