the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
