i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
