Sober January is a disaster.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
