My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize