You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
send nudes
from the living room?
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