if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
