glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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