I faked an abortion last night.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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