I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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