I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
