My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
