It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
