I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
