I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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