someone owes me an orgasm
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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