chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
