Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
