Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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