I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
