She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
