I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
