U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
