hotel room ftw
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
