what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
