The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
