Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
