what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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